


I shot for the sky, I'm stuck on the ground

by Midnight Wolf (Larkawolfgirl)



Series: Works I am Particularly Proud of [31]
Category: NieR: Automata (Video Game)
Genre: Birds, Canon Compliant, Gen, Implied Relationships, Introspection, implied canonical character death
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-06-10
Updated: 2018-06-10
Packaged: 2019-05-20 13:19:38
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 613
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14895347
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Larkawolfgirl/pseuds/Midnight%20Wolf
Summary: When 2B stops to watch the birds--because she always stops--her mind flickers--just for the briefest of moments--to what could be.





	I shot for the sky, I'm stuck on the ground

**Author's Note:**

  * Inspired by [Gilded Doves](https://archiveofourown.org/works/10128974) by [ParabolaBeam](https://archiveofourown.org/users/ParabolaBeam/pseuds/ParabolaBeam). 



_But I'm missing way too much_  
_So when do I give up, what I've been wishing for_

_I shot for the sky_  
_I'm stuck on the ground_  
_So why do I try, I know I'm gonna fall down_  
_I thought I could fly, so why did I drown?_  
_I never know why it's coming down, down, down_  
-Down, by Jason Walker

2B likes to watch the birds. 9S has found her standing still just watching them more times than he can count. He isn’t sure what it is she finds so fascinating about them and he never asks. What he finds fascinating is watching her as she watches. There is something in her eyes when she does, something more lifelike, more human. As if she is searching for something beyond her reach. Watching her watch the birds makes his chest ache and his mind cloudy. His gaze will flick to the birds and long for that understanding, not to understand them but what it is she sees there. 

YoRHa bans emotions. 2B has thought long on why that is. It is because emotions are compromising, they make you weak and uncalculating. They make you pause instead of blindly following orders. 2B has tried to cut off her emotions--to be a good little soldier as she’s told--but it's harder than they make it out to be. One cannot simply force themself  _ not _ to care, and once care takes root, it’s nearly impossible not to  _ feel _ it--deep and cutting like a knife. 

Birds are a wonder to her. In this barren wasteland of a planet, so many of these winged creatures fill the air, floating on the wind as if that was all they were made for. As if the only care they have in the world is to drift when and where they please. 

Freedom is a foreign concept to her. It is something she’s never had and likely never will. That  _ is _ one order she can follow to-a-t: never dream of the future. There is nothing but the present and the mission and her survival. 

But, when she stops to watch the birds--because she always stops--her mind flickers--just for the briefest of moments--to what could be. To a world where she and 9S could just be. Where they could be together, much as they are now but without that invisible dispassionate barrier between them. 9S isn’t always successful in maintaining that barrier, so she blames these moments on those moments, those sparse reminders that they are more than just two partners thrown together to complete a task. She knows 9S by now, and though he may not remember, he knows her as well. Care exists within that barrier, oozing through the cracks and making her grip falter. 

2B is not a bird. She has only two legs, and so she continues to strike 9S down with an unsteady hand. There is nowhere else for her to go, so she continues on this repetitive path. 

She does her job, but she doesn’t follow the order not to feel. That’s impossible, just as impossible as it is for a bird to remain grounded. She isn’t human, but she is human-like, and emotion must be in her nature because it bubbles up against her will, constricting her throat and bringing stinging tears to her eyes each time when the job is done. 

Always, she returns to YoRHa for a mission briefing, and always she takes one last moment to watch the birds. The light glints off their feathered wings as their bodies tilt and glide effortlessly. 

Beautiful, she thinks as she wipes at the offending wetness on her cheeks.

 


End file.
